All Clean

My hubby managed to get the virus cleaned off of the laptop, however this included having to bring the laptop back to manufacturer conditions. All of our pictures have now floated off into oblivion. I guess now by instinct I will make sure we BACK EVERYTHING UP! My heart is broken. Hubby says the memories are kept where they matter most - in our mind. Yeah - that even sounds stupid. I want all of the cake in the face pictures, the marathon pictures, the pictures of me looking like a moose in my gorgeous hospital gown giving birth to all of our children. Did I really not save anything? I do get to go and purchase a new netbook for my classes this semester, my husband believes this will make it up to me. I doubt it...

My Son

The little man who evidently knew that he was going to be coming into this world, even when his parents were being told otherwise... Last July, after running a marathon, after losing over 100 pounds and after totally giving up all hopes of ever having anymore children - we got the surprise of our lives. God knows how to really show you who is in charge. My tubes were tied via tubal ligation three years ago. Cut, snipped, burned, crushed, etc. This little human being still managed to make his way through. I knew in my heart that I had him in my belly, even when I was placed on hormones to have aunt flow drop me a visit. Do you know that doctor swore up and down that I couldn't possibly be pregnant? I left the doctors' office more confused than when I arrived. Nothing like relief of being pregnant when you have hurled your dinner every night for 5 weeks and craved pizza to boot - all without knowing why your body has now become the enemy. I literally thought I was dying from some sort of unknown infection - BECAUSE NO ONE COULD UNDERSTAND HOW I COULD BE PREGNANT AFTER A TUBAL. Well let me tell you for those who don't believe it - I am proof that it most certainly does and unless you know the ins and outs of your body, you will believe that the moon is orange and that your body is a barren field for flies. My son is beautiful, growing strong and proves to be a miracle everyday. Believeably, he is the reason my passion for Nursing has gotten so much stronger that it drowns out any other thought. He is the reason that my heart is guiding me towards Midwifery. My little miracle can be anyone's little miracle. I am ready to help give back...

Viruses

Contracted a pretty nasty virus on my laptop, turned my entire screen black. Wonder if we have now lost every last holiday picture, birth, family life changing moment that we as a family have ever experienced together. Safe to say that the a holes that are smart enough to figure out how to completely wipe out a family's most cherished memories with the click of a button need to find a river to go jump into - leave the life jacket behind. So I now sit here trying to type on my Nook which either these keys are entirely too small or I have giant fingers. This does not work...

How many times do I need confirmation?

On whether or not to go into Nursing - my passion, my call of duty, the desire that I feel the strongest about? Ugh. I keep tip toeing around it, pitter pattering on the cold floors of the grand ole hospital ward in my mind. I want this and yet I keep getting so distracted, I keep not being real, real with myself or well, anyone really. I am sick, I am sad, I am depressed. In the past year, I have been on SAP probation, I have been on SAP FAILURE due to complications of my pregnancy (details below) (the sickness that you feel in the pit of your stomach not knowing if you can even afford to go back to school if you aren't granted aid). THANK THE LORD JESUS, I completed my appeal, met with my advisor to begin my academic plan AGAIN, and phew I can go back to school. I became pregnant with my 4th, yep 4TH child after having my tubes tied three years ago, WHO GOES THROUGH THAT??? Got a beautiful baby boy out of that though:-) I lost 100 + pounds only to gain it back during my pregnancy. I have high blood pressure and am medicated to regulate it. I now have GOUT, yep GOUT at 31 (not to say that this doesn't happen to the younger crowd - it obviously does), but my husband keeps reminding me that I am no longer apart of the younger crowd. lol - How depressing. Needless to say I am now medicated for GOUT! ugh, I AM OBESE - probably the culprit, most certainly the culprit.  About a month ago, I thought I changed my career goal to business management since I have been an executive assistant since like forever - HELL NO! BORING - Kudos to those that love business, policy, administration, finance, etc. Hey my husband is an accountant and I know first hand - I AIN'T DOING THAT! Then for a brief stint, I thought well I could become an Elementary School teacher, certainly need more passionate teachers, but uhhhhh NO! I most certainly will not - AGAIN KUDOS to those who teach, but there aren't enough holidays or summer breaks in the year. I love all my children's teachers and they are going to be blessed for what they do - but I am home with my hyperactive children all day on the weekend and I kiss Monday morning on the forehead, so dang sure know that I couldn't (could if my life depended on it - but it doesn't :-) handle being a teacher all day. Maybe if you gave me a handful of Nursing wannaabe's in my later life - let's say over 19 yrs of age, then we'll talk about a teaching career.

AND one last thing - if you hear the craziness that I had to withstand before even finding out about my pregnancy and learning of my precious little boy, you will know why I absolutely need to go into Nursing and why even through all of my doubts inevitably will always know that I am to be a NURSE.