Monday, July 25, 2011

Fall Semester - Digging myself a Grave?

Summer is almost over. Can you believe how fast it has gone by? I am looking forward to the fall semester at school. I have that new anxiety again. Like the first day of class, you know it's going to be exciting but it is still nerve racking as all get out. I am jumping into this semester head on, determined to get back on the grind. I don't know why I briefly lost my enthusiasm, lost the zeal I had in the beginning - causing me to lose interest in anything nursing related. BUT WHAAA?? I can't get that feeling out of the pit of my stomach. The knowing of my called existence. Nursing is my life, nursing is my passion. I want this so bad. Then why did I so easily lose focus? I wanted it all now, right now! I didn't want to put any hardwork into it. Where's the reality in that? Is something worth having not worth fighting for? I got scared. Scared of math, scared of science, scared of all the twenty-something new graduates who made me feel like I am too old for all of this. Career change, oh I can't do that. But I can, I can do that. I have a supportive husband, supportive kids, supportive job. How can I not do this? So yes, I have my passion back, it found me. But then again, I never quite lost it. There were plenty of nights that I stalked all of your pages and envied you, wanted to be right where you are, but I am right where I need to be, getting my life together because one day we'll all have thoughts to share, moments to live and wonders of wisdom to express to each other.

So now that the sentimental moment has come and gone, back to the real deal. My schedule for fall will consist of two Saturday classes (really Saturday?? ) Poli Sci- yep wound up dropping it twice! in time for drop/add, but dropped none the less. Science (this is my back door to Anatomy and Phys, in case I can't get Chem anytime soon); and considering I am not the average person that can manage to get to a 2pm class, looks like it may be awhile before I can take Chem. First class begins at 8 am on a frigging Saturday! Next class is 11:45. Only optimistic point to this (which my hubby so graciously pointed out) is that I can have the rest of the Saturday to study and do schoolwork at the library, kid and distraction free!!

I'm also taking 2 online classes; world lit and philosophy. Hoping to get through all of these, before I tackle math and statistics next semester. Am I digging myself a grave?

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